My friend Renee Rugh has a photo above her bed which reads "Hope." Each letter is a different picture and is formed using iron work you would normally see around town and not think twice about. The "H" is formed from bars, the "E" from the swirl at the end of a bench. I love iron work and I love thinking about things in a new way. This picture is right up my alley. And on this particular day it very much speaks to me about Renee. I don't know how long she's had it but it is something that I feel is important right now.
A few months ago Renee found a lump in her breast. She went in for an appointment and had some tests done. X-ray, Ultrasound, lots and lots of doctors poking and feeling while she stood there exposed. Nothing showed up as a problem, but based on the size they decided to do surgery and remove it. Just to be on the safe side. She would have to go in for some follow up appointments, check the other breast, etc. So the day came when she had her follow-up appointment to plan the following appointment schedule. Thinking that this was an appointment merely to set up more appointments,
Renee went alone.
The doctor told her it was cancer, they hadn't gotten it all, and would have to do another surgery.
She had more tests, both breasts. Still nothing showing up as cancerous. Renee feels the spots that are showing up on the second breast seem questionable though. They did a second surgery and it came back as positive for cancer on three sides. There was more.
The doctors are somewhat dumbfounded. They have never seen anything like this. The tissue doesn't look cancerous to the naked eye, it isn't showing up on X-ray, it isn't showing up on the Ultrasound. They don't know how much more there is. He has taken this case to a board of doctors to get their opinions. She has her blood drawn to see if she carries the gene for cancer and is told her options.
Option 1: Have a third lumpectomy and hope they get it all at the risk of removing even more tissue which will leave her breast somewhat deformed.
Option 2: Mastectomy. Followed by reconstruction.
Renee is 25.
The blood results come back as negative for the gene which is good news. But doesn't put her in the clear. New options.
Option 1: Lumpectomy including checking lymph nodes for cancer. If there is cancer in her lymph nodes she will have to undergo radiation and can't continue with reconstruction until radiation is complete. Apparently it affects the implants and makes them bumpy or something. Which means after everything goes through ok it is yet another surgery. She will have to take menopausal medication for the next 5 years to help reduce her risk of the cancer coming back. She will have to have check-ups every 6 months, for, what? ever? I think so. She is still at a high rick for the cancer to return.
Option 2: Mastectomy including checking lymph nodes for cancer and following the same plan. Medication and check-ups and still considered a high risk. The medication causes a slew of uncomfortable side effects. Mood swings, hot flashes, profuse sweating, weight gain. It also can cause blood clots, which go to your heart and kill you. On the plus side, one option in reconstruction includes taking your own fat from your own body and using that instead of implants. She could do some chosen body-shaping if she wanted. But this would leave two surgeries to recover from.
Option 3: Double mastectomy. Again, checking lymph nodes for cancer. No medication and her risk drops to about 1%. Check-ups not nearly as frequently. Reconstruction of both breasts to make sure they are symmetrical. And really, to a size of her choosing. Downfalls? She's 25. She doesn't have any kids and it eliminates her possibility of breast-feeding. Some people may not feel strongly while others do. It is still something to take into consideration and come to terms with. Some women can't breastfeed anyway even if they want to, but that usually is discovered at the time of, not by eliminating the option. She would be removing a part of her body and that is hard to do. I feel it is a bit better than having to remove a leg due to gangrene or a hand because of frostbite. But many women have a strong identification of their femininity with their breasts and so it is still a hard thing to decide. I also learned that then you have no nipples which can be tattooed on but some of the pictures we were looking at did not look so good and so I think that can be a bit worrisome. No one wants to look different or strange. However, living is the most important thing. But when they can't say for sure how much cancer there even is, or where, how do you make such a monumental decision?
I saw a show many years ago about women who had had single or double mastectomies and had since had gotten tattoos on their chests. One woman even had shirts specially designed for her to show off her left pectoral area. They were beautiful! We looked up pictures of tattoos. Some were so awesome. I think a person most definitely has to go through the grieving process for the loss of a part of their body, in whatever capacity of loss she may decide upon. But then I think it is so important to look at this as an opportunity. Making the right decision and having the best possibility for survival. And then being able to choose the breasts you want. An opportunity we don't get naturally. (An opportunity one pays for dearly if they decide on breast augmentation.) An opportunity to use your body as a canvas to celebrate your beauty if you so desire. An opportunity to remain strong and be a beacon of hope for all those around you.
I am so thankful for my dear friend Renee Rugh.
kk
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